Since Part I of this advice series was released from my vault one month ago, readers, mainly female, have come forward with other stories of woe in regards to guys not getting it. By “it”, of course, we mean getting a woman’s attention, and not mishandling a potentially positive situation after some interest is actually reciprocated.
So once again gentlemen, pay attention and take copious notes on the most important words of wisdom you will have absorbed since Judy Blume’s “Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing”.
Mistake #5: Door Ediquitte
Logic says to allow a girl to always go first. This applies to a first oral encounter, yes, but it also applies to revolving doors and entering a taxi.
Think about it: A revolving door can be quite heavy and therefore demands a stern push from the triceps and shoulders. So while “ladies first” is a universal mantra, it does not apply when putting them in a position to move a heavy object like an RD. Lead the way in this situation and let the momentum make her walk through a seamless one.
Same goes for taxis and cabs. By going first into the backseat, it means you’ll be sliding across the back seat in pants or jeans. In the case of a female, there’s a chance she’ll be in a skirt or dress while holding a purse, thereby making it a more difficult move across without wrinkling anything.
These mistakes are probably the most common committed on a first through fifteenth date.
Mistake #4: Don’t show her the money
Easy rule to remember: A man who talks about money never has as much as he claims he does. The #1 sign of insecurity for a guy, besides what’s in the shorts or lack thereof, is when their bank accounts become Topic A.
Men with personalities of my shoe will try to compensate for their shortcomings by immediately bringing up their W-2’s when anxiety rears its ugly head. And while girls will never complain about a guy having too much money, they also claim that it’s a huge turnoff when flaunted. If most girls want to maintain publicly that looks and money don’t mean anything, well, we’ll have to take their political correctness at its word.
Ultimately she’ll know if you’re doing okay for yourself financially one way or another, so during the courting stage, it’s best to leave cash out of the conversation.
Despite that said, insist on paying for all dates at least the first four times out. Just because you don’t mention your paycheck doesn’t mean you should cling to it when the dinner check comes, either.
Mistake #3: Change the sheets
One female reader wrote to suggest to men to, “Keep your living place clean, change your sheets, clean your toilet of whatever happens there, empty the trash, make sure it smells decent, keep the porn out of eyesight, and keep your golf, beer, and sport addictions in check.” This advice comes from Elizabeth, who claims these small items on most guy’s priority list will help in improving your “potential husband rating.”
Husband material is something girls, particularly ones getting to an age where dating is less casual and more selective in an effort not to waste any more time finding a life partner, value greatly. Know this: Women have better memories and are more observant of the aforementioned, so if you’re Oscar Madison, hire a peiodic cleaning service. If that isn’t possible, try to at least cover the six items listed above until she loves you enough to accept that trait, because perception can sometimes suffice as reality.
Mistake #2: “Ex? What Ex?”
Talking about girlfriends of yestermonth or yesteryear in a bad way is as recommended burshing your teeth with soda before going to bed. Be warned: One day SHE could be your ex and doesn’t need a sneak preview of how you may speak about her to her eventual substitute. The new girl sees the guy as trading up- and doesn’t want to feel like a trade in.
Obviously, this is easier said than done. Curiosity always gets the best of those interested in learning about another person’s life. As a result, the most prevalent questions running through the mind on a date involve a person’s past.
“Were you ever engaged?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Have you ever lived with anyone?”
“Why are you still single?” (A thinly veiled compliment to determine a person’s past status)
These are all questions that will automatically conjure up emotions about an ex and the baggage that goes with it. Oftentimes this type of conversation happens on a second date if things get comfortable quickly. And while it’s cathartic, and on some level, honest to discuss an ex or exes in such a conversation, it inevitably brings a ghost of relationship past to the dinner table and eventually, if things go well, into the bedroom…
Threesomes are fun, but not when there are only two people physically in the room. Leave the ghosts in your journal where they belong.
Mistake #1: Pace Yourself…chapter to chapter
Revealing too much too soon is the #1 blunder men make when getting to know someone initially. As I’ve written before in countless articles, mystery is the best thing a guy has going for him. I’ll repeat myself again since the point doesn’t seem to be resonating.
She wants to know what you’re thinking, but at least make her work for it. In the beginning, simply force her to guess.
Dispensing everything in an open book format instead of chapter to chapter (complete with cliffhangers) so she knows every last detail about you by the time you hit that pivotal date #3 will end the relationship as quickly as it started.
Talking about sex is an extension of this rule. If she brings the topic up or inquires about how many partners you’ve had, become Mr. Shy Guy even if that is the opposite of your personality.
Remember: If you state you’ve had, say, 15 partners in 15 years, that may seem like a normal number to you, but to her you may appear to be the next Wilt Chamberlain. If you declare you’ve only been with only two people intimately, she may fear any sexual experience with you may be the equivalent of a Brett Favre two-minute drill…literally.
In the end, even someone like me who gets it is still like a genius that only uses 12 percent of his brain’s capacity. There are still the great mysteries of women that will never be solved, which is likely why we keep coming back.
Most girls reading this will say this list of 10 is about 10,000 items short of acknowleging things men don’t get, but in the interest of space and sanity, this will need to make due.
However, if you have any other things to add to the litany of errors the Y chromosone commits in drawing your attention and keeping it, feel free to enlighten us.