Indiscriminate Deliberations: June

In a matter of 10 days, the Yankees have gone from easily winning their 27th World Series to being double digits behind Boston in the AL East and sixth place in the Wild Card…eight back of Detroit.

 And I’m wondering, do their fans finally get that this team looks as old as Rene Russo in Two for the Money, lacks chemistry like Sloan and E, and just doesn’t have the goods in the bullpen this year? (Yes Mariano, that includes you, and my apologies for running out of pop culture parallels…)

It will be nice seeing A-Rod playing for my Cubs next year. His best friend is the manager, the power alley in left at Wrigley is 368 feet (Yankee stadium is 399 feet) and the team will likely be celebrating its 100th straight year without a championship. Of course, this is perfect for a guy who wears #13 and has jinxed every good team he’s joined (Mariners, Rangers, Yankees) more than Billy Goats, Black Cats and Bartman ever could (for those who usually read this column for the relationship stuff, Google ‘Cubs and Billy Goat and Black Cat and Bartman’- it’s impossible to make this kind of depressing stuff up).

HBO is responsible for two of the greatest shows since the end of Seinfeld (Sopranos, Entourage), but in an effort to be so unlike anything seen on network television, it’s simply trying too hard to be eclectic.

Want proof?

Watch one episode of John from Cincinnati.

Then get high or drunk or both and watch it again.

It honestly won’t make a difference.

2010: A Space Odyssey

was on a couple of days ago, and I’m thinking, if that’s where we were supposed to be in terms of intergalactic space travel, we might want to change that “2” in 2010 to a “3”.

In 2007 there are no hover crafts like they had on the Jetsons.

No universal IDs to buy everything with one card and an eyeball scan as backup ID.

Hell, we can barely keep Mexicans from climbing a fence or using a boogie board to get into the country to receive free health care and a driver’s license.

So I read Andrea Peyser’s column on Paris in the Post on Thursday and it was filled with the usual disparaging comments that every journalist—print and television—is compelled to make whenever Hilton is mentioned. But being that these attacks have become so predictable, how can they possibly be remotely funny anymore?

The bottom line is this:

Peyser, and almost every other professional woman covering Paris, is insanely jealous of her. So much so, the aforementioned columnist wrote about “the useless, talentless, directionless, and pantyless skank” (Peyser’s words, not mine) in two separate columns in the New York Post on Thursday.

Like Gordon Gekko, Paris indeed creates nothing and gets even more insanely rich in the process. This drives professionals like Peyser—the kind who earned their college degrees and worked 17-hour days to get where they are in the most competitive field in the world—insane since Paris inherited the name brand and didn’t even finish high school (she did earn her GED).

So the media follows the 26-year-old’s every move and berates her in the process of doing so.

So you have to wonder if anyone at home is questioning just how idiotic these “journalists” look in providing chopper coverage of Hilton’s release from prison at 1:00 AM while simultaneously telling us how irrelevant and vapid she is.

And by the way, if I’m Paris (we both don’t wear blue contacts anymore, so maybe I am), I summon Papa Hilton’s best lawyers and sue Peyser for the following statement in one of her irate Pulitzer-winners on Thursday:

“She (Paris) not only creates nothing, achieves nothing, contributes nothing – except for disease and driving summonses, she is incapable for doing anything valuable with her days.”

Now you tell me what is assumed in that sentence that could be viewed as libelous.

Hint: As we’ve seen, like many of us Paris has done amateur porn. Unlike many of us, she’s probably has had more guys than Jim McGreevy, but she’s never been diagnosed with any kind of sexually-transmitted disease.

So besides being an easy target, what gives Peyser the right to concoct this kind of crap?

Sue now, Paris.


Heard a great word a few days ago that I’m sure I should have been up to speed on a long time ago:


As in, “I’m going to the beach this weekend for the first time and need to be manscaped.”

Wordplay is definitely one of my secret passions…

First reports are coming out of Spring Lake that a short-sighted couple smart enough to get a beach house together—after dating for all of three months—have parted ways. Apparently the breakup was on the nasty level of Pitt-Aniston-Jolie and Timberlake-Diaz-Biel.

So who gets the summer house for the final 10 weeks of the season?

The guy in the now-terminated relationship who has the buddy who runs the house, of course.

As a consolation prize, the girl gets two weekends for $2000.00 and a summer in hot Hoboken. She can’t go back to the house, and since there are basically three bars in her beach neck-of-the-woods, it would be impossible to avoid him if she stayed at another house.

Just one more reason not to rush things in any relationship.

Speaking of one more reason, here’s one more reason to vote Republican in 2008, courtesy of a statement released by the Democratic National Committee:

“Rudy’s arrogance has gotten the best of him. How can a man who failed to prepare New York City for a second attack after the first one (in 1993)…keep America safe?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but can a Mayor of even a city like New York engage in warfare with foreign enemies? Did Rudy have an army on 9/11 he didn’t use? How about surface-to-air missiles to shoot down an aircraft? Does he have authority to even engage a hijacked civilian aircraft even if he did have a modern weapons system at his disposal?

Answer key:

1) No

2) No

3) No (only the President or Vice President have such authority under the Rules of Engagement)

Is this the best the DNC can do?

Well, since all of the usual eeeeevil Republican values aren’t a part of Giuliani’s platform (See: He’s pro-choice, pro gay marriage, pro gun control), they need to attack his strength, which was his highly regarded leadership on and after 9/11.


And since we’re talking 2008, I wonder who one grass roots community blog will blatantly support in the general national election? (while stating it only exists as a neutral forum.)

Because without its political influence, Dawn Zimmer would not have even come close to winning the 4th Ward.

Forget that Campos’s DUI trial postponements was a concrete balloon on his campaign.

Or that Zimmer ran a spotless, tireless campaign to earn every one of the six vote margin it took to win.

It was 411 that swayed all of those votes in the runoff.

At least that’s what the Mr. Grass Roots tells everyone privately.

You know who I see when I look at Fred Thompson?

Bob Dole with a SAG card…

I heard there’s some kind of theme-based Fest somewhere off of Exit 98 June 30 weekend.

Better end these deliberations now so I can get to it.

Because you never know…

It could be retired after this summer.