Indiscriminate Deliberations

Is there even one good movie out right now?

Top grossing movie last week: Gridiron Gang, a story about teenagers at a juvenile detention center gaining self-esteem by playing football. It stars the Rock, who also played football for a juvenile detention center that some people refer to as the University of Miami. Might as well just call the flick, The Longest Yard goes to South Central. It would have saved everyone $8 and two precious hours of their lives.

The highest grosser of the month has been the overrated Invincible, which is only called a great movie if you’re an Eagles fan and actually believe that Vince Papale: (a) Never played professional football before (he did for two years in the World Football League); (b) Actually scored a touchdown to beat the Giants. Sure, there may have been a clip at the end of the movie showing the fumble on the punt that Papale caused, scooped and scored on, but in real life it was ruled a muff and therefore couldn’t be advanced (c) Was 5’8, 165, Caucasian…and still made an NFL team as a walk-on. The real Vince was 6’2, 205 and married a woman about 1/10th as hot as the lovely Elizabeth Banks.

Besides that, tremendous movie. The late Veterans Stadium never looked so pristine…

Turning to news, did someone once make a rule that the world’s most horrible human beings—pedophiles, murders—have to be called by three names?

John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy, Henry Lee Lucas, Mark David Chapman…

…And the latest three-name psycho from the JonBenet Ramsey case, John Mark Carr.

Guess bad things really do come in threes.

Only after it’s gone for a few weeks can you truly appreciate Entourage, but I’m not sure that it can be watched in the dead of winter when it’s due to come back on the air. It’s just a warm-weather show…like golf.

Is the DVR the greatest invention since Fantasy Football?

TiVo can’t be happy about this…

Speaking of FF, how many of you are thankful you took Edgerrin James in the first round of your draft?

I know…it’s only Week 3.

Why can’t the Giants and Jets color in their respective end zones with blue or green, like the old days of the 80s? Five beer sales at one game each can probably pay for it.

Otherwise, the field just looks so BLAH.

Charlie Weis was a great offensive mind for the Patriots, and some argue he made what Tom Brady is today. The other Brady, the one currently playing for him, is a good quarterback, but you can’t expect him to put up 48 on Michigan…which is exactly what he would have needed to do during a 47-21 thrashing at the hands of the Wolverines. The three interceptions by Brady leading to 17 points probably didn’t help, however.

If Notre Dame is ever going to get back to the top of the mountain, they may need to hire Weis’ mentor Bill Belichick to run the defense. Because in the biggest games of the Weis era (USC and OSU last year, Michigan this season), it hasn’t exactly been Alan Page and Michael Stonebreaker out there.

The Yankees sure did celebrate clinching that AL East title on Wednesday night, didn’t they? And here I thought that World Series Championships were all that mattered to the owner, its players, the New York media and its fans.

So why did the greatest franchise in the history of sports whoop it up like it just won Game 7 against the Mets?

Because they know if the past five years are any indication—all years when they saw their season end after blowing series leads in the playoffs or World Series—that there is a .0001 percent that a 27th world championship just might not happen, perhaps?

Especially with Jason Giambi—the people’s champion with exactly zero rings—is the team’s Dr. Melfi for A-Clod.

Do doctors really have as much sex with each other as they seem to on Grey’s Anatomy?

So now that gas prices are dropping faster than a piano out of a window, can we all finally admit that the economy—which is always maligned by those who don’t bother to ever pick up a newspaper—is better than it ever was under Clinton?

4.7 percent unemployment rate

5.7 million jobs added since August 2003

4.15 percent inflation rate

4.2 percent GDP for the first half of this year (highest among industrialized nations)

5.6 percent increase in manufacturing and production

All of this despite a crippling terrorist attack, corporate scandals, an internet bubble bursting and two wars being fought…

Of course, if you’re a fan of Hugo Chavez like Lethal Weapon’s Danny Glover (who hugged him like their plane was going down in Harlem on Thursday), you probably applauded when the Venezuelan President called President Bush, “The Devil” and “An alcoholic and a sick man.”

Considering Bush hasn’t had a drink in 20 years, it’s that kind of incoherent rhetoric that should get Chavez an invitation to Michael Moore’s limo sometime in the next 18 minutes…

Another winner, Jim McGreevy, should truly be an inspiration for all of us. Not only did he cheat on his wife at various New Jersey rest stops for decades, but now, after his wife stood by him at an August 2004 press conference when he declared he was a “gay American”, he has the audacity to write a book strictly for profit outlining just how many ways he deceived his family.

Now you would think that his wife (they are in the process of getting a divorce) and two daughters have been hurt and humiliated more than enough by his actions to not have to relive the experience. But turn on Oprah last week, and there he is with his soulmate of the month, hand on knee, pimping the book and smiling all the way to the bank.

Makes you once again proud to hail from the Garden State, doesn’t it?

And here I thought Oprah was out of the book promotion business…

For A Million Little Pieces, er, reasons…

Is it me, or are there only two types of commercials on television right now?

Those that are Geico ads or those that aren’t…

The scary part is…they’re all funny even after seeing them 100 times…

The one with “that announcer guy from the movies” is priceless.

Nothing in advertising happens by accident, so let’s make it official: casts only esthetically unpleasant couples in its advertisements to offer hope to those who feel there is no hope for romance.

Whoever you are that thought of that idea, one word:


Fall Arts and Music Festival is Sunday.

They should just call it, “Halfway to St. Patty’s Day” and leave it at that…

I’ve would have called this column “Random Thoughts”, but I didn’t want to insult the memory of Phil Hartman.

See you with one of these each month…